The Best "Bad" Movies: A Counter Argument
How do you pick that next movie you’re going to fire up on the big screen (or more realistically the laptop radiating on your chest as you lay in bed)? Do you make your decision based on the trailer? The Actors? The Director? The Reviews?... probably a little bit of everything. And for most, a movie that the critics take a hot steamy dump on tends to look less appealing, even if it checks all the other boxes. Well we here at The Halftime Snack take pride in helping others make decisions. We’ve compiled a list of our 50 favorite “Bad” movies of all time and provided our own (better) reviews. Each of these movies have a Critic’s Rotten Tomato score of 40% or less, but we’re here to tell you those critics in their ivory newsrooms got it wrong! These tomatoes are fresh and aching to be the star of your next Caprese salad.
In an attempt to not pour any more salt on the open wounds of these “Bad” movies, we’re not going to be ranking them here. But for your convenience, we’ve divvied them up into our own highly accurate genres.
Lorne Michaels Decides What’s Best for Us
Dirty Work (1998)
Directed by Bob Saget (other Notable Movies: None, but he has that whole Danny Tanner thing and America’s Funniest Home Videos)
Critics 17% Audience 65% Difference 48%
It’s like an early Adam Sandler movie but with Norm MacDonald jokes. It’s really really stupid, in a good way. A lot of good Norm moments, and cameos from Chris Farley, Don Rickles, John Goodman, and Gary Coleman.
Hot Rod (2007)
Directed by Akiva Schaffer (other Notable Movies: Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping)
Critics 39% Audience 64% Difference 25%
Andy Samberg plays the lovable idiot like no one else. Now add an adorable Isla Fisher, a Danny McBride playing peak Danny McBride, Bill Hader Tripping Balls, Ian McShane as the ass kicking step father, and Oscar/Golden Globe winner Sissy Spacek. The only thing greater than this cast, are the one-liners.
Mr. Deeds (2002)
Directed by Steven Brill (other Notable Movies: Heavyweights, Without a Paddle)
Critics 22% Audience 59% Difference 37%
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)
Directed by Mike Mitchell (other Notable Movies: Sky High, Trolls, The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part)
Critics 22% Audience 42% Difference 20%
This is what happens when you grow up believing that Saturday Night Live is the pinnacle of comedy. I watched (and enjoyed) these Adam Sandler/Rob Schneider movies immensely at the time, I’m sure, as lines and scenes from both are lodged so deep in my brain that even an MFA program’s worth of scrubbing hasn’t been enough to expunge them. I don’t have the courage to re-watch either and I can’t imagine that they’ve aged gracefully. I do remember a schoolmate cribbing from Deuce’s declaration of love when confessing his obvious crush to the new girl in middle school, which is as cringe-inducing now as it was then. Perhaps time heals less than we think it does.
Ninjas Upgrade All Movies
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
Directed by Michael Pressman (other Notable Movies: Lake Placid)
Critics 35% Audience 67% Difference 32%
Beloved by any true child of the 90s because of pizza, the Super Shredder upgrade, ooze, and the musical contribution/cameo by Vanilla Ice. Some advice to future political campaigns - “Yes We Can” and “Make America Great Again” have nothing on “Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!”
Beverly Hills Ninja (1997)
Directed by Dennis Dugan (other Notable Movies: Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy)
Critics 14% Audience 53% Difference 39%
In Love Actually, Hugh Grant’s character says, “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport…” Well, when I get down on the state of the world, I think of Beverly Hills Ninja. Chris Farley and the Kung Fu Fighting song are each remarkable in their own right with their instantaneous ability to lift one’s spirit; now mash them together and you get a classic. Some view this outing as the hard-tumble-back in Farley’s most unfortunately short life, but I see this self-aware-of-its-ridiculousness film as the ultra-super glue that cemented his place on comedy’s Mount Rushmore. Too many laugh-out-loud moments to count.
3 Ninjas (1992)
Directed by Jon Turteltaub (other Notable Movies: While You Were Sleeping, Cool Runnings)
Critics 32% Audience 53% Difference 21%
Instead of a few drawn out lines of conjecture of fighting for this film’s brilliance, four snapshots:
RO-CKY-LOVES-EM-ILY. The 2 v 2 basketball scene. A kid called “Tum Tum”. The banter of the kidnappers.
Bloodsport (1988)
Directed by Newt Arnold (other Notable Movies: None, but he is credited as “Man in Shower” in The Goonies)
Critics 39% Audience 74% Difference 35%
Bloodsport introduced the world to Jean Claude Van Damme, and for that we shall forever be in its debt. Based off a true story (which is questioned by many), Bloodsport tells the tale of the first American (who happens to have a very strong Belgian accent) winning the Kumite - an illegal underground fighting competition. Fighters from all around the world compete in their own various fighting styles with little to no rules. But this movie isn’t just about watching a giant sumo wrestler go up against a shifty little acrobatic fighter from Africa, it has all the elements of a great 80s action movie… comedic relief in the form of a heavy drinking trucker, a poorly developed romance that quickly advances into an overnight stay and a sweet shot of those JCVD buns, an outlandish crazy-eyed villain, and a law enforcement duo who gets duped at every turn. Did I mention Academy Award winner Forest Whitaker is in this movie?
I Listened to Too Much Rap/Hip Hop as a Kid
John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars (2001)
Directed by John Carpenter (other Notable Movies: Halloween, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live)
Critics 21% Audience 24% Difference 3%
Cradle 2 the Grave (2003)
Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak (other Notable Movies: Romeo Must Die, Exit Wounds)
Critics 25% Audience 52% Difference 27%
While I spent my nights watching utter dreck, my days were full of trolling peer to peer file sharing programs like Kazaa and Morpheus on a quest to download as many rap and hip-hop albums as I could, so I didn’t have to suffer the conversation of buying an album with the parental advisory sticker on it with my dad. What a brave boy I was.
While I was fighting to find a stable file for 2pac’s All Eyez on Me (I distinctly remember not being a Biggie guy. I lived in Colorado and had a set of grandparents that lived 40 miles outside of San Francisco, so my fate was sealed as a stan for West Coast rap. Really, what other choice did I have?) I consumed heavy amounts of popular, mainstream rap. So when DMX and Ice Cube starred in movies, I watched, dammit.
My memory of Cradle can essentially be distilled to an image DMX’s silver chain necklace and the ambient acrobatics of Jet Li. I’m sure it was dope. Ghosts of Mars, however, is a movie I watched and then re-watched for only vaguely explicable reasons. The ghosts were violent and scary, Natasha Henstridge was (and is) very attractive, and Cube totes an automatic weapon and yells cool things like, “Come on you mindless mother fuckers!” For the cinematography crowd, I can say that the movie, set on Mars (duh), is very red, which adds up nicely. I wouldn’t necessarily do it all over again, but I’m pretty sure Ghosts was much better than anything DMX did.
Anaconda (1997)
Directed by Luis Llosa (other Notable Movies: None)
Critics 40% Audience 24% Difference -16%
Early J-Lo, pre-Are We There Yet-Ice Cube, sneaky and sleazy Jon Voight, and snake fights... Ten year-old me loved this movie in the theater.
“Snakes don’t eat people.”
I'm nervous about this one because I don't know if 40% counts but what a great movie. Jennifer Lopez AND Ice Cube in the heyday of 1997, don't forget a young Owen Wilson and Jon Voight with a weird accent. Oh yeah, and the big ass snake brings it all together.
Pass the Cheesy Puffs My Good Man
Super Troopers (2002)
Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar (other Notable Movies: Beerfest, but also a lot of television Director credits including The Goldbergs, Fresh Off the Boat, and Lethal Weapon)
Critics 35% Audience 90% Difference 55%
Few movies have spawned as many one-liners as Super Troopers, and that’s likely the reason it has such a devoted cult following. It works well as a movie, but it could work just as well as a series of YouTube clips. The story itself is pretty forgettable, but there are scenes that will be burned into my brain even after I’ve forgotten my loved ones’ names: Gimme a litre o’ cola, I’m freaking out man, you are freaking out… man.
Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
Directed by David Wain (other Notable Movies: Role Models, Wanderlust)
Critics 36% Audience 76% Difference 40%
This movie is Bonkers in the most magnificent way. It’s set in the early 80s to expose the ridiculousness of that era’s super seriousness, while also satirizing every over-the-top teenage stereotype. The cast is outstanding (Bradley Cooper, Amy Poehler, Paul Rudd, Christopher Meloni, Molly Shannon, Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black, Elizabeth Banks, and so on and so forth) and the acting is hilariously wonderful. The critics missing on this one worries me more than most misses.
Nacho Libre (2006)
Directed by Jared Hess (other Notable Movies: Napoleon Dynamite)
Critics 40% Audience 54% Difference 14%
Jack Black is a national treasure. And when you put him in a Lycra leotard and have him skipping and prancing around a wrestling ring, I’m not sure you need anything more. But lucky for us, we get so much more. We get Nacho seducing a nun in his recreation clothes, we get him impressing chubby little orphans, and (of course) we get him serenading us.
Saving Silverman (2001)
Directed by Dennis Dugan (other Notable Films: Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy)
Critics 18% Audience 51% Difference 33%
Plenty of immaturity and plenty of laughs. Steve Zahn and Jack Black carry the burden in this film, and Amanda Peet exemplifies the kind of woman no bro wants his bruh to mingle with. With the undercurrent of Neil Diamond worship throughout and the legend’s firework performance in the final act, Saving Silverman delivers Grade-A entertainment, examines complex quandaries about platonic and romantic love, and definitively answers an age-old question about nachos.
Grandma’s Boy (2006)
Directed by Nicholaus Goossen (other Notable Movies: None)
Critics 16% Audience 85% Difference 69%
If you like weed and videogames, you’re not going to find a movie that suits you better. If you don’t like weed and/or videogames, you’re still going to find this movie suits you pretty well. It also doesn’t hurt that the movie is chock full of cameos and helps to introduces the world to a young Jonah Hill.
Twenty-Something Plays a Teenager
Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)
Directed by Harry Elfont and Deborah Kaplan (other Notable Movies from Harry Elfront and Deborah Kaplan: Josie and the Pussycats)
Critics 40% Audience 63% Difference 23%
A perfectly 90’s movie. Shy guy gets the gal (spoiler!), nerd seeks redemption, Seth Green in goggles, Smash Mouth on the soundtrack, and the cherry… Jennifer Love Hewitt.
“Ladies please. Both of you can hold my laser pointer.” “He’s like always wearing T-Shirts… sometimes”
She's All That (1999)
Directed by Robert Iscove (other Notable Movies: From Justin to Kelly)
Critics 40% Audience 55% Difference 15%
Underneath every ponytail-sporting and glasses-wearing weirdo caterpillar there is a beautiful butterfly waiting to take flight. And underneath every seemingly perfect boy king is an existential crisis waiting to be solved via Hack-e-sack. This movie understood me and unlocked my soul in a way that the rest of the world simply couldn't when I first saw it as a teenager.
What a Girl Wants (2003)
Directed by Dennie Gordon (other Notable Movies: Joe Dirt)
Critics 35% Audience 62% Difference 27%
It’s a Cinderella story (not A Cinderella Story starring Hillary Duff… which maybe should also be on this list) with a modern twist. It’s also a little problematic, a free-spirited American girl coming over to England to teach the uptight upper-class how life should be lived. But that aside, the movie’s a lot of fun. Amanda Bynes finds out she has a royal-ish father (the amazing Colin Firth), jets off to London, and is welcomed by a slew of stereotypically fun characters. The snobby insecure soon-to-be stepmother, the haughty yet attractive stepsister, the surprisingly cool with being a dad… dad, the classically dry but sweet Grandmother, and the hot young middle-class (gasp) love interest... who’s got some hidden talents. If you can stomach the barrage of “Woos” and “Hahas” from Bynes as she reminds the audience she’s having a good time, you’re going to enjoy this movie… maybe as much as her.
Will Murder Without Hesitation but Deep Down a Real Sweetheart
Cobra (1986)
Directed by George P. Cosmatos (other Notable Movies: Tombstone, Rambo: First Blood Part II)
Critics 14% Audience 42% Difference 28%
Stallone wrote the screenplay...need I say more? Oh, you want more? Well how about a music montage with 80s synth, Brigitte Nielsen, and robots. Robots! Buy this movie now.
Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)
Directed by Dominic Sena (other Notable Movies: Swordfish)
Critics 25% Audience 77% Difference 52%
Nicholas Cage was always going to be on this list. I’m not complaining on Wednesday nights when I turn on FX and see this bad boy an hour in and five more to go.
“I saw three of these outside the local Starbucks this morning, which tells me only one thing. There’s too many self-indulgent wieners in this city with too much bloody money! Now, if I was driving a 1967 275 GTB four cam... (Eleanor)”
Man On Fire (2004)
Directed by Tony Scott (other Notable Movies: Enemy of the State, Top Gun)
Critics 39% Audience 89% Difference 50%
The cold-hearted body guard, Denzel Washington, is hired to protect the sweet, precocious Dakota Fanning. Her candid observations and quick wit warm his tired soul and burns a new light in him. Sounds like a sweet father daughter-esque comedy… until he gets shot during her kid napping. After escaping death, he’s the only man who can find his little friend. It’s Taken before Taken, but with a heavy dose of adorable. This movie is so damn fresh.
Road House (1989)
Directed by Rowdy Herrington (other Notable Movies: Striking Distance)
Critics 39% Audience 66% Difference 27%
Undoubtedly the best movie about a small-town bar bouncer ever made. This scene is really the only explanation you need – a bad guy exclaims "I used to fuck guys like you in prison," and our hero Patrick Swayze proceeds to rip out his throat with his bare hands. I don't think it's hyperbolic to say this is one of the greatest moments in the history of cinema.
First We Take Brooklyn AKA Brooklyn Guns (2018)
Directed by Danny A. Abeckaser (other Notable Movies: None, but he had a minor role in The Wolf of Wallstreet)
Critics N/A Audience 36% Difference ??
Making his directorial debut, NYC nightclub promoter Danny Abeckaser, who looks like the son of 70’s Pacino and Rizzo from The Muppets, stars as an Israeli ex-con who makes his way up the Brooklyn crime world. It's a ridiculous vanity project but it somehow rides Mr. Abeckaser's weird charm, and a day's worth of shooting from Harvey Keitel, to be a fun movie to watch and wonder how it got made. *Does not have enough reviews for a RT percentage, but would certainly be sub 40.
The SUPER Natural
Congo (1995)
Directed by Frank Marshall (other Notable Movies: Alive, plus a ton of Producer credits including the Bourne franchise, the Indiana Jones franchise, and the Back to the Future franchise)
Critics 22% Audience 29% Difference 7%
The main protagonist, “Amy”, is a lovey-holding, martini-drinking chick that likes art, getting tickled, smoking cigars, and has repressed PTSD… oh, and that the chick is a gorilla who talks, via sign language and a motion-activated audio voice box? What’s not to like love?
In the late 60s and 70s, the Planet of the Apes movies stoked a specist resentment and discrimination that would last for two decades. Fear and distrust of primates was at an all-time high… and then came “Congo”, which did more to demonstrate our natural kinship with apes than a hundred Jane Goodalls ever could. The film dares you to knock down your homosapien judgement walls and embrace mankind’s similarities and dispose of the differences with our ape cousins.
This is a true adventure movie that has it all - skydiving, diamonds, an indigenous tribe, lasers, political turmoil, white water rafting and a showcase of the all too real nihilistic ambition of an eastern European scavenger, whose heartlessness is only trumped by white, man-eating gorillas. Add in solid supporting roles from Ernie Hudson (aka Winston from Ghostbusters) and Tim Curry’s best performance since his part as Kevin McCallisters beta nemesis in Home Alone 2, and you have a classic which transcends time, genre, and species.
Krull (1983)
Directed by Peter Yates (other Notable Movies: Breaking Away, Eyewitness)
Critics 32% Audience 51% Difference 19%
This sci-fi movie somehow managed to pull-off (seamlessly) a space pirates from Camelot plotline with lasers and wizards and a friggin' 5 pointed knife/ninja star. Apologies to anyone who is offended that I don't know the actual term for this weapon, but it’s magical and amazing. Bonus: Liam Nesson
High Spirits (1988)
Directed by Neil Jordan (other Notable Movies: Michael Collins, The Crying Game, Interview With the Vampire)
Critics 29% Audience 59% Difference 30%
I love everything Steve Guttenburg. Everything! This rom-com combo punches with the glorious Gutte, Peter O'Toole, Darryl Hannah, and Liam Nesson (again...he just keeps showing up!). If you don't enjoy a ghost love story, look in the mirror and ask yourself “what the fuck is wrong with me?”.
Howard the Duck (1986)
Directed by Willard Hyuck (other Notable Movies: None)
Critics 15% Audience 38% Difference 23%
I personally have a deep appreciation for all things awkward. This movie has more than enough of those moments to tickle my gigglebone. Memorable one-liners, cynical space duck, and 1 million kilowatts of poowwweerrrr...there was a reason George Lucas was the executive producer.
People Die… Creatively
Final Destination (2000)
Directed by James Wong (other Notable Movies include: The One)
Critics 34% Audience 68% Difference 34%
This is not a "bad" movie. The premise of Death tying up loose ends after a premonition saves the lives of seven people, is both unique and eerily reasonable. Is it so wrong to root for Death? "You can't cheat Death."
Maximum Overdrive (1986)
Directed by Stephen King (other Notable Movies include: None, but he’s credited as a Screenwriter in movies like The Running Man, Pet Sematary, and 1408… and he’s claimed to have written a few books??)
Critics 17% Audience 50% Difference 33%
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if our machines had a mind and a life of their own? Stephen King has. In his titanic-like directing endeavor, King blesses us with this cinematic masterstroke of eccentricity, starring the one and only – Emilio Estevez. I know what you're thinking, 'how do the machines become sentient’? The explanation is utterly detailed and delightful, so kick back and enjoy this treat of entertainment pleasure.
Wait, What?!?... but Thank God.
Troll 2 (1990)
Directed by Drake Floyd and Drago Floyd (other Notable Movies: None)
Critics 6% Audience 44% Difference 38%
The sequel to the strangely uncomfortable original Troll movie in which Sonny Bono is turned into a slimy elf. Troll 2 scores big points with horribly magnificent acting, a popcorn induced death scene, and the glaring fact that there is not a single "troll" in the entire movie… because a movie about goblins called Goblins would be just too ridiculous?
The Thing with Two Heads (1972)
Directed by Lee Frost (other Notable Movies: None)
Critics 0% Audience 25% Difference 25%
With a tagline like, "They transplanted a WHITE BIGOT'S HEAD onto a SOUL BROTHER'S BODY!" who wouldn't want to see this? It’s intentionally campy and cheap, but can’t be beaten for what-were-they-thinking moments when viewed under today’s lens. Plus, it stars Oscar winner Ray Milland and Pro-Bowler Roses Grier, and has some creative effects considering the budget.
Tons of Untapped Potential / Everyone Loves an Underdog
Youngblood (1986)
Directed by Peter Markle (other Notable Movies: Bat 21)
Critics 38% Audience 69% Difference 31%
What if I told you...that there was a hockey movie featuring Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and Keanu Reeves? The ESPN 30 for 30 dissecting this hidden gem of a film will be the greatest mockumentary never made. As it stands, the movie itself possesses plenty of awesomely bad elements, chief among them being a wicked training montage on a timeline that simply does not fit the plot. It's also got enough hockey-specific clichés to make anyone who's played the game legitimately pine for his or her glory days (see: banging your billet mom and falling in love with the coach's daughter).
Over the Top (1987)
Directed by Menahem Golan (other Notable Movies: None, but Produced movies like Night of the Living Dead, Barfly, and Evil Angels (A Cry in the Dark))
Critics 27% Audience 49% Difference 22%
Sly Stalone is truck driver Lincoln Hawk. Which, if you knew nothing else about the movie, would easily suffice to qualify for this list. Fortunately, OTT doesn't rest on its star power laurels, delivering elements of father-son bonding, a coming of age tale, and oh yeah, our boy Sly winning the arm wrestling world championships. FIRED UP!
Wildcats (1986)
Directed by Michael Ritchie (other Notable Movies: Fletch, The Bad News Bears)
Critics 18% Audience 49% Difference 31%
Goldie Hawn becomes the head coach of a rag-tag group of high school football players. This has all the feel-good sports movie basics but adds the directorial pizzazz of the man who brought you Fletch/Fletch 2 and The Golden Child. Now throw in a dash of Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes and you have yourself a winner.
D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)
Directed by Sam Weisman (other Notable Movies: George of the Jungle, Summer Catch)
Critics 20% Audience 59% Difference 39%
I'm shocked and appalled to see that D2 was so critically panned. The Ducks rallying to victory over villainous Iceland in the Goodwill Games is one of the greatest moments in sports movie history. Some quick highlights: Gordon Bombay goes all Hollywood and gets caught kanoodling around town eating ice cream with "that Iceland chick," Dwayne Robertson breaks out the lasso and gets 2 minutes for roping, The Bash Brothers strip in the penalty box, and Russ Tyler snipes a knucklepuck from 150 feet in full goalie pads. Truly legendary stuff. This is the movie that taught us that when the roosters are crowing and the cows are spinning circles in the pastures, ducks fly together. Never, ever forget that.
Legendary Directors Don’t Make Bad Movies
Jack (1996)
Directed by Francis Ford Coppola (other Notable Movies: The Godfather Part 1 & 2, Apocalypse Now, Peggy Sue Got Married, Bram Stoker’s Dracula)
Critics 19% Audience 49% Difference 30%
This is truly one of the wildest bad movies ever made. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola (director of The Godfather) and starring Robin Williams, Diane Lane, and Jennifer Lopez, this movie has the pedigree of an Oscar contender. Instead you get a pretty damn disturbing story of a rapidly aging child in a grown man's body, dealing with puberty, bullies, and his impending mortality. It's a messed up premise in all sorts of ways, with Bill Cosby's inclusion making it age even more poorly. But Robin Williams is compelling even in his worst movies, and I still haven't been able to shake the huge crush I developed on J-Lo.
Hook (1991)
Directed by Steven Spielberg (other Notable Movies: Jaws, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, Minority Report, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Indiana Jones Franchise)
Critics 26% Audience 76% Difference 50%
Peter Pan all Growed up. He’s forgotten who he is, and despite being FLOWN to a magical land with fairies and mermaids and a motley bunch of orphaned children, he can’t quite believe he was ever anything but a corporate lawyer. In spite of the few flaws in the story, the movie is fun, colorful, artfully acted, and has a an ocean full of heart… and that I think is the crux behind the critics panning of Hook. Too much sentiment. Clearly, they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a child.
Kids Take Advantage of a Lack of Parental Supervision
Heavyweights (1995)
Directed by Steven Brill, David B. Householter (other Notable Movies from Steven Brill: Mr. Deeds, Drillbit Taylor; other Notable Movies from David Householter: None, but he has Executive Producer credits for Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and She’s Out of My League)
Critics 29% Audience 77% Difference 48%
Explanation needed. How is this under 40%?! I could watch this gem of a flick 1,000 times. This movie has a lower rating than Spy Kids 3D… spare me.
“Good morning, Children. Today is evaluation day. The key word is “value.” Do you have any? Not yet.”
Richie Rich (1994)
Directed by Donald Petrie (other Notable Movies: Mystic Pizza, Grumpy Old Men, Miss Congeniality)
Critics 24% Audience 31% Difference 7%
Richie Rich basically taught an entire generation of kids that if you're super wealthy and have a bunch of cool stuff, other kids will like you and you'll have tons of friends. I suppose that's not really the message the movie was trying to convey, but that was my main takeaway as I dreamed of having a McDonald's in my house to impress all the other kids at school. This was Macaulay Culkin's last big movie, and it's definitely a sharp dropoff from his Home Alone glory days. But this movie taught me that having a replica Mt. Rushmore with your face on it is the ultimate status symbol, and you better believe I'm still chasing that dream.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Directed by Chris Columbus (other Notable Movies: Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)
Critics 32% Audience 61% Difference 29%
It’s Home Alone, but in New York City! And instead of a scary shoveling man, there’s a scary bird lady. It’s got all the thrills of the first movie but amplified to the next level. When this movie comes on, there is no turning away.
An Absolute Disaster
Armageddon (1998)
Directed by Michael Bay (other Notable Movies: Transformers, The Rock)
Critics 38% Audience 73% Difference 35%
“If I do this, I’m going to want to take my own men.” Those were Harry Stamper’s demands, and NASA was immediately on board, no questions asked. As Ben Affleck lays out in his brilliant DVD Commentary, Armageddon asks the viewer to buy in to a pretty massive logic jump: that it would be easier for NASA to train a bunch of oil drillers to become astronauts than it would be to train astronauts to become oil drillers. Fortunately for us all, Director Michael Bay had the audacity and vision to jump that logic canyon like a goddamn Evel Knievel. Without his courage, we would have never received the iconic tale of a roughneck group of oil men who became heroes. Between a legendary “round up the crew” scene and a seminal moment of animal cracker foreplay, Armageddon is a gift of majestic stupidity.
Because, Gracie, we win. And because the bravest man we've ever met, Harry Stamper, doesn't know how to fail.
Dante's Peak (1997)
Directed by Roger Donaldson (other Notable Movies: The Bank Job, Thirteen Days)
Critics 24% Audience 38% Difference 14%
It's the late 90's, and a picturesque little town in the PNW is about to get its shit rocked by a previously dormant volcano. All that stands in the way of an unmitigated disaster is Pierce Brosnan saving the day while falling in love with the town's mayor/coffee shop owner. It would be so quaint save for the pissed off volcano raining deadly hell fire upon a town and its occupants.
Another gem from '97, what a year. Hey Volcano, suck it. No disrespect to Tommy Lee Jones, but Dante's Peak has a much better setting and roots in reality (Mount St. Helens). The model set explosions are on point and a refreshing pardon from this current era of CG dominance. Cast Mr. Lee Jones in the 'Paul Dreyfus' role and this movie goes from splatty to certified.
Ill-Advised Vacation Ventures
Vegas Vacation (1997)
Directed by Stephen Kessler (other Notable Movies: Paul Williams Still Alive (Documentary))
Critics 13% Audience 51% Difference 38%
Just like Vegas, it’s got something for everyone.
“Holy crap. Wayne Newton’s hitting on mom.” “What can I do with $5? Buy a bullet, and rent a gun.”
Clark Griswold in Las Vegas? 💥 This is just one of those movies that feels GOOD! It's not nasty, it's not graphic, the casinos are real and who doesn't love seeing the Glittering City on the big screen? Vegas Vacation is a fun, delightful addition to the cinematic archive and don't let anyone tell you different.
Captain Ron (1992)
Directed by Thom Eberhardt (other Notable Movies: None, but he has Screenwriter credits for Honey, I Blew Up the Kid and Ernest Saves Christmas)
Critics 23% Audience 51% Difference 28%
Kurt Russell is really cool. An interesting against type performance from Martin Short as an uptight dad. Suffers from weird tone shifts like a lot of 90s comedies, but who cares. Who doesn't like boat movies? And who hasn't thought of throwing it all away, moving to the Caribbean and becoming Captain Ron?
Great Soundtrack, Fine Movie
Life Itself (2018)
Directed by Dan Fogelman (other Notable Movies: None, but he has screenwriting credits for Cars, Tangled, and Crazy, Stupid, Love.)
Critics 14% Audience 84% Difference 70%
This does not deserve a 14 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Yes, it’s a little cloying and sentimental, but it’s a good movie! Since when is sentimental automatically bad? It’s well made, great performances, and the script has a really interesting structure. It feels like writer/director Dan Fogelman’s This Is Us but with a bigger scale and a little more edge. Grow a heart critics.
CBGB (2013)
Directed by Randall Miller (other Notable Movies: Bottle Shock)
Critics 7% Audience 42% Difference 35%
I actually watched this within the last 18 months and it’s fine. Fans of punk will be disappointed because it crams a hell of a lot into 101 minutes and most of it is whitewashed or otherwise fictionalized. But it stars the late Alan Rickman, which sets it head and shoulders above anything else I’ve mentioned here, and has cameos from Rupert Grint, Bradley Whitford, and Malin Akerman. The soundtrack is good. So good, in fact, that now that I really think about it, CBGB probably falls into the same category for me as 8 Mile. Which is to say: Save yourself the trouble of the movie and just put on a Talking Heads record instead.
Trying to Capture that Raiders of the Lost Ark Magic
The Golden Child (1986)
Directed by Michael Ritchie (other Notable Movies: The Bad News Bears, Fletch, Wildcats)
Critics 26% Audience 47% Difference 21%
When the ingredients call for:
۰A healthy handful of Eddie Murphy at the PEAK of his career ۰Three-fourths cup of Charles Dance playing his role as Tywin Lannister 30-years early ۰A smattering of Victor Wong as our favorite “Wise Grandfather” character۰And a dollop or two of some fantastical mysticism - All cooked over a dumpster fire behind the Indiana Jones lot for 94 minutes… you’re in for a tasty (high fructose) treat.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)
Directed by Jon Turtletaub (other Notable Movies: While You Were Sleeping, The Meg, Cool Runnings)
Critics 36% Audience 67% Difference 31%
Nicolas Cage returns as Ben Gates treasure hunter/historian, but with a few changes since when we initially met him. First, instead of being a middle-class disreputable treasure hunter, he is now a rich disreputable treasure hunter. Second, he doesn’t steal the Declaration of Independence, he steals the President of the United States and the Book of Secrets. Third, he doesn’t need to win the girl, he needs to win BACK the girl. Fourth, he doesn’t just get his dad caught up in the mess, he gets his dad and mom caught up in the mess.
If you liked the first National Treasure, you like the second. If you didn’t like the first National Treasure, re-evaluate yourself.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
Directed by Ron Howard (other Notable Movies: Apollo 13, Backdraft, Splash)
Critics 25% Audience 57% Difference 32%
The greatest cover up of all time is on the verge of being exposed or forgotten forever. On one side you have Opus Dei attempting to preserve Christianity and hide the true meaning of the “Holy Grail”. On the other side you have the Priory of Sion trying to protect/reveal that the Holy Grail is actually the bloodline of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. That alone is an intriguing concept, but it gets better. Tom Hanks plays Religious Symbologist Robert Langdon who is wanted for murder of the last Priory of Sion member… who was in fact murdered by an Opus Dei henchman. It’s your classic murder/2000 year old mystery.
I’ll admit, there are unnecessary scenes and other scenes that drag a few minutes too long, but overall, this movie glides pretty smoothly and represents a fine adaptation of the best-selling novel by Dan Brown. Side note, for the person who gets upset about the content of this story and for the person who believes this story to be true, you’re both fools. This is a fictional piece of literature and movie making. Instead of investing your energy in boycotting this movie or arguing with boycotters, do something good for the world.
Additional Thoughts from The Halftime Snack When Tasked with This Project
A genuine sense of relief came over me as I continued to tap the “Show More” button at the bottom of the Rotten Tomatoes 25% and under page. There are, evidently, a hell of a lot of really bad movies and I’ve only seen a handful of them. And while this isn’t quite the same thing as being granted extra life, there is something to be said for seeing a feature film with a title like Butcher Boys or Syrup and knowing that you made the right choice by not sacrificing 90 minutes at its alter. I probably didn’t make much better use of that time, but at least I didn’t do that.
Which isn’t to say that there were zero sparks of recognition (and then embarrassment) when perusing this near-endless list. Most of what I did see can be credited to growing up with HBO and a habit of staying up late, as the majority of the items on this list were initially viewed between the hours of 11pm and 2am while my parents slept in peaceful bliss without knowing the miserable cinematic choices their only offspring was making downstairs. As such, almost all of these movies came out right around the millennium, when the things I had in disgusting abundance were time and microwave popcorn. I’m not proud of these choices, but time heals all things (except for these crazy eyes, of course).
I hate Rotten Tomatoes and everything it stands for.
I’ve found that my taste in movies has not evolved much in the last 30 years. I should be concerned, but then I think to myself, ‘God Damn I’ve got fine taste’.
This project was way to easy for me, I’ve got like 40 other movies if you need more.
